Mommy I Want Plus Size Barbie

I'm an adult male, 5'8", and just over 200 lbs. According to the CDC, I am just barely into the "obese" category. What the CDC doesn't measure is my lean-to-adipose tissue ratio, in part because it's difficult to do pre-autopsy (all "tests" for body fat percentage are flawed, though to greater and lesser extents). Even then, adipose tissue is not a strict indicator of ill health. Best guess estimation puts me around 20% body fat, which is considerably more than I need and will get health nuts screaming down my throat. If we use some kind of isolated measure, I look like a health disaster waiting to happen. In fact, I took a chronic illness assessment test while I was at home since I saw the local hospital advertising it and wanted to mock it with my parents. Both of whom are medical professionals and know that I'm in great condition.

One measure that provides some insight is waist-to-hip ratio. My weight is narrow, my hips are big. I am a mesomorph and store body fat subcutaneously rather than viscerally. This means a lot of things (I store fat like a woman, people underestimate my weight because it is balanced), but the big thing is that I'm at no increased risk of weight-related chronic health problems. My blood pressure is consistently 120/80 or below (I border on being hypotensive, in fact). My blood sugar is completely normal in spite of having a type II diabetic in my gene line. My resting heart rate is below normal. Hmm... that last one only happens for one reason: I'm an athlete.

I have friends who are at the low end of "ideal" bodyweight according to the CDC (and every other organization that uses the BMI as a cheap alternative for real data). We ride bikes together. One of them is actually a former racing champion. I ride on a bike that is over 30 lbs., which is about double what anyone else is on, and my tires are twice as wide. And I can smoke them, especially climbing hills. Part of the reason why I can is exactly because I have fat reserves available to burn: during a double-century with them, they were dying for food at every break whereas I just needed a bottle of water and a handful of peanut M&Ms.

Weight is a shitty indicator of health. Period. It doesn't matter who determines what an "ideal" weight is when you're measuring a statistic that is, at best, supplementary to a host of other measurements. Half the crap we're told is caused by weight actually isn't, either. Diabetes and heart disease in particular are not easily predicted by being overweight.

For that matter, there's a lot of good science that indicates people who are in the "overweight" category on the BMI tend to live longer and healthier lives. There are a number of factors that make that true, like the fact that most athletes are "overweight" (I am working to reduce my body weight but I will never be "normal" or "ideal" without letting my muscles atrophy), that people who can eat a little more tend to have better access to health, and, as I said, weight isn't a good indicator of health. Fat has many useful purposes in the body, for that matter, and I mean cellular fat, not dietary (though dietary fat is also good).

I don't even want to start ranting about the skinny hipsters in my neighborhood whose waistlines are smaller than my thighs and whose calves are thinner than my engorged genitals. Anyone who thinks being that skinny is healthy needs to hop in a time machine to visit the 1930s dust bowl. All the starving farmers back then looked like professional models.

Which isn't to say that I'm promoting the idea that people should be comfortable with excess weight. Although there's really no problem with it if neither is nor will cause problems. I can stay the weight and proportions I am until I die of old age at 100. The reason I don't want to is because people are vain, myself included, and the folks I tend to be attracted to would rather I weigh less (though, truth be told, they never get either my age or my weight correct -- which is why so many people lie). Triple-chin Barbie is almost certainly too large, but we could be wrong. She's not a particularly adequate role model for girls, though. By the same token, the disproportionate shape of dolls made for boys (e.g., GI Joe) is just as bad. Hell, I suspect part of why many otaku in Japan are going to die virgins is because of their ridiculous anime/manga-based expectations (disregarding the fact that they tend to be as attractive as a toast rack nailed to a broom handle with acne).