Rather than contribute to the hideously evil goals of our resident forum troll (Korpg), I figured this link deserved it's own thread where it wouldn't be buried on page 18 of a mindless thread. Just in case, I've posted it below in its entirety for those of us slaving away at the office... there's no reason why some people ought to miss out on a good laugh... Enjoy!
[PLEASE NOTE: Original Copyright and Authorship is property of the one and only GM DAVE. Also enumerated excuses were bolded for ease of reading by me.]
The Aftermath
When last we left our hero, [GM]Dave was informed he would spend an entire day dealing with the fallout of the duping exploit related bannings.
He was unhappy.
Then he actually started dealing with customers.
He was VERY unhappy.
What in the sweet Jesus hell is wrong with people?
You know you did something wrong. This isn't a big freaking surprise to you.
You were in a party doing a difficult event. During that event, you did something completely unorthodox that magically made three identical treasure pools.
Are you honestly trying to plead ignorance here?
Seriously?
You must be joking.
Here. I've got a joke for you.
What's got extra Salvage gear, but no account?
950 people.
Bah dump psshhh.
All day long, I had to deal with the most HELP I AM TRAPPED IN 2006 PLEASE SEND A TIME MACHINE, most asinine excuses for this activity.
Or, my personal favorite, the people who tried to rationalize the cheating and why they shouldn't be banned.
Yeah... That'll work.
Let's take a look at some of my favorite excuses/arguments:
1) I didn't know it was an exploit
I could maybe buy that if it happened once.
Or if you reported it to a GM immediately.
That would make sense. Something unexpected happened and it fell outside the range of normal game mechanics.
You would, of course, stop doing this action and report it, right?
If it was a bad thing, we'd hear about it immediately.
Every other update, when something goes wrong, we get umpteen million calls about one tiny little thing that doesn't work properly.
That ***drives you guys crazy.
But a similar problem turns out to be beneficial for you?
Oh hell no. If you reported it, they might fix it.
So, you do it again and again, and then have the nerve to get upset when you get banned for it.
Funny how that works, huh?
2) I thought it was an intentional game mechanic
Yeah, we put in that thing that gives you triple the rewards for every kill in an event.
And totally didn't mention it.
That sounds totally like us.
Some people have likened this to fighting Odin and having to heal during a high damage move. They try and suggest that it is a less orthodox mechanic and could be mistaken for an intended action.
Sure...
Let's just completely ignore the fact that one action is designed to mitigate damage and make it easier to defeat a boss, and the other magically gives you triple the drops after the fact.
If we ignore that part, your argument might start to resemble something passing for intelligence.
3) I was just doing what I was told
Really?
This is what you're going with?
Well, now we're telling you to stop playing.
Do that.
If you trusted someone else when they told you to do something entirely out of the ordinary and it produced completely insane results, something should have seemed wrong to you.
A little light should have gone off in your brain.
Maybe the light marked "Oh ***..."
You did what you were told and you did something wrong.
That's not an excuse.
4) SE made the mistake, not us
This is one of the big rationalizations people make.
This is also one of the dumbest.
Do you even understand the term "exploit"?
No one is suggesting you used a third party program. No one is suggesting you altered the program.
No one is suggesting you hacked our firewall or whatever.
You literally exploited a flaw in the programming. You found a mistake in a highly complex code and, rather than reporting it and leaving it alone, you took advantage or that flaw for your own gain.
This is the definition of an exploit.
There isn't a gamer on our planet that doesn't understand that exploits are bad and can get you banned.
Sure, someone made the mistake.
I get that.
Have you ever tried to program an MMORPG?
Neither have I, but it looks freaking hard.
People are bound to make mistakes.
As I mentioned before, if that mistake was bad for you, you would have reported it immediately. You'd be screaming at a GM in seconds.
You would expect us to fix that mistake immediately because it had unexpected consequences.
Like if the treasure pool autolotted to nobody.
Every time.
You would lose your mind.
But a similar flaw turns out to give you extra rewards?
Suddenly, that ***is someone else's problem.
And when it comes back to bite you in the ***, you turn around and act like the victim.
Nice.
5) It's not against the rules
This is perfectly correct.
Except for that rule that says you can get banned for intentionally exploiting any bug or glitch in the game.
The rule you agreed to when you signed up.
Other than that, perfectly correct.
6) This is a disservice to all FFXI players
Give me a minute...
Laughing too hard.
This is not a disservice to all players.
This is a disservice to the people who got banned.
We have literally removed your service.
Everybody else? They're still good.
They all got to log in the next day.
Oh, I know. I know that the boards and forums are filling up with people outraged about the bannings.
I'd guess there are roughly 950 people making very angry posts.
Now, why does that number sound familiar?
Oh... Right.
Just because you are very angry about getting banned, it doesn't mean everyone is angry about it.
Actually, most people seem very pleased with this.
But I guess 950 people making angry posts about how unfair the whole thing is would seem like a lot.
I guess they have nothing better to do.
7) SE just threw away money
Yes, I realize that all the people who got banned paid their fees every month.
Doesn't matter.
Every cheater pays their fees. If they don't, they don't get to play.
Kind of hard to cheat if you don't play in the first place.
Thus, if someone is found to be cheating in the game, you can be pretty sure they have paid their fees.
And yet, they still get banned.
Huh.
You'd think that SE thinks that the consistency of the game for the majority of the players is more important to them then the fees paid by those who would try and cheat.
Crazy, I know.
8) SE doesn't respect the players
Wait a second... Let's go back one.
SE is throwing away money to ban cheaters.
This suggests that SE puts the happiness of its players above any monetary gain.
They literally sacrificed money to ensure game balance.
For the players.
And then, in the same breath, you're suggesting that SE doesn't care about the players.
That doesn't make any sense.
This is called the "monkey technique".
Basically, they're just throwing ***at the wall and trying to see what sticks.
SE care about the players. They care about the customers.
You're just not a customer anymore.
9) This is going to...
You know what? Screw it.
You cheated.
And you know you cheated.
I know it. You know it.
We all know it.
You can make all the arguments you want. You can scream your excuses from the rooftops.
Just not any rooftops in Vana'diel.